Sunday, October 24, 2010

A drunkenspaniard's Guide to Last Minute Halloween Costumes

There are only 6 days until Halloween and if you are anything like half of my friends, you probably still don't have a costume. Not to worry, because I am here to bail you out. I have compiled a brief list of cheap and easy to make costumes.

Blues Brothers: Suit, sunglasses, and a hat. Make sure you have a partner for this.

Brett Michaels: Just dress like 80s Hair Metal Star meets Hulk Hogan. Oh and make sure all of your girl friends who are dressed like stuck stick by you.

Cheating Husband: Untucked, buttoned wrong button up shirt with lipstick on the collar and unbuckled belt, shoes on wrong feet. That is all.

Chilean Miner: Wear dirty clothes and put on a helmet. If you wanna be hardcore, get a pick. This is topical humor at its best.

Dog: For this one you wanna look like Brett Michaels but trashier. Just go to Ravenna and look around. Mullets, shades, cowboy boots, and a vest are a must.

Mad Scientist: Get a white lab coat (with or without blood stains), rubber gloves, and goggles. Mess up your hair to enhance the look.

Nudist On Strike: Just wear a sign that says nudist on strike,

Redneck: Wear nuthugger jeans, work boots, a camo hat (fishing hook on brim may help)and a confederate flag. Now you can move to Ravenna:

The Strangers: Wear a suit and then get some sort of sack-like bag and make holes for the eyes. If you get creative you can turn this into The Scarecrow from Batman Begins. Oh, make sure you don't talk as that will add to the mystery/creepiness of your costume.

Tool: Get ahold of a blazer or suit jacket and deck it out with the logo from Tool Academy. Wear bandanas (on your head and everywhere else where it might fit), ripped jeans, gel the shit out of your hair, wear sunglasses in the dark, and "ice" if you have it. Conversation topics should involve working out, how tired you are from working out, and how you can't wait until you work out again. Remember, your goal is to look and sound like the guy whose ass you want to kick.

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